In which the staff of Average City Hospital gets Rickrolled.
Ever since Panicked
Intern and Apathetic Nurse shared an illicit kiss during a game of Truth of
Dare several months ago, the pair had been involved in what a casual observer
would call a relationship. Apathetic Nurse however was not ready to call her
secretive fling with Panicked Intern anything more than a ‘not so terrible way
to pass the time when I’m bored’ (her words, not mine). But Panicked Intern
wanted to take their “relationship” to the next level….
Panicked Intern:
*Rubbing his eyes sleepily.* Uh, hey sweetie. *Leans towards Apathetic Nurse
for a kiss.*
Apathetic Nurse:
What did I tell you about kissing me in public?
Panicked Intern:
*Hangs his head.* To not to. Sorry. Uh, I—I forgot. I just wanted to say….to
say. *Hands shaking.* Thatyoulookbeautifultoday.
Apathetic Nurse:
Thanks.
Panicked Intern:
You’re welcome! I—I’m so-ssss-so glad that---
Apathetic Nurse:
Calm down. You’re gonna pass out again if you keep talking so much.
Panicked Intern:
You—you’re right. Always looking out for me, you’re so kind Apathetic Nurse,
that’s why---
Dr. Handsome Face:
Apathetic Nurse! We need you in the OR stat! *Rolling up his sleeves.* Get down
there, what are you waiting for nurse?
Apathetic Nurse:
Okay.
Dr. Handsome Face:
Hurry up nurse! *Runs off.*
Apathetic Nurse:
I have a name. *Sighs loudly and gets up from her chair to follow.*
*Panicked Intern is left alone in the empty patient’s room.*
Panicked Intern:
She didn’t even say goodbye. Do I even mean anything to her, or am I just an
ordinary guy with insomnia and a lot of allergies? I need to talk to my
therapist. Or take a nap. *Sniffles.*
*Cute Quirky Intern pops out from behind a curtain with a
big smile on her face.*
Cute Quirky Intern: You
need a grand romantic gesture!
Panicked Intern: *Wiping
away tears.* What?
Cute Quirky Intern:
You need to show her how you feel, show her that you’ll do anything for her.
Panicked Intern:
Grand romantic gestures…that sounds kind of….terrifying. I don’t know, maybe I
just need a nap.
Cute Quirky Intern:
But you love Apathetic Nurse?
Panicked Intern:
*Looking panicked.* Uh, who said I was talking about Apathetic Nurse? I never
said that. *Mumbling to himself.* She’ll kill me if other people know about
us.*
Cute Quirky Intern:
Really? Everyone knows you guys are together.
Panicked Intern:
Oh—oh no. She’s going to be so--so mad at me—
Cute Quirky Intern: So
now there’s no reason to not do something big and, and, romantic!
Panicked Intern:
Well, if that’s true….you really think she’ll like it?
Cute Quirky Intern:
Of course she will, who can resist a public display of extreme devotion?
Panicked Intern: Since
you put it that—that way…
*Meanwhile in the Operating Room, Dr. Handsome Face,
Apathetic Nurse and another surgeon and nurse are working on a patient. They
are so focused on their work that they don’t notice Panicked Intern sneak up to
the observation window. He holds a stereo up to the window and music starts
playing over the speakers into the operating room.*
Dr. Handsome Face:
Do you hear that? Is that--
*Apathetic Nurse notices Panicked Intern standing at the
window. He waves at her and she looks away.*
Apathetic Nurse:
I don’t hear anything.
*The music gets louder. The staff in the operating room
recognize the tune of Rick Astley’s “Never Gonne Give You Up”*
Panicked Intern: *Singing
through the glass.* You know the rules,
and so do I—
Apathetic Nurse:
*Muttering.* Clearly you don’t know the rules—
Panicked Intern: Your
heart’s been aching, but you’re too shy to say it. And if you ask me how I’m
feeling---
Apathetic Nurse:
I never asked.
Panicked Intern: Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you
down! Never gonna run around and, desert you!
*Everyone in the operating room starts to dance along to the
music except for Apathetic Nurse who looks embarrassed.*
Panicked Intern: Never gonna make you cry, never gonna saaaay
goodbye! Never gonna tell a lie and, hurt youuuu!
Apathetic Nurse: I’m
not—
*Panicked Intern stops singing but the song keeps playing.*
Panicked Intern: I—I
know that I’m kind of a mess—
Apathetic Nurse: *Folds
her arms* Kind of?
Panicked Intern: And
I’m easily startled—
Apathetic Nurse: You
mean terrified.
Panicked Intern: I’m
confused by everything in my life—my job, my weird nightmares—but I’m not confused
about how I feel about you.
*Everyone in the Operating Room lets out a collective ‘awwww’
the monitor on the patient starts beeping but no one notices.
Panicked Intern: I
wanted to say that, I’m never gonna
give you up, or desert you. So—uh—uh, yea.
Apathetic Nurse: The
patient is flatlining.
Dr. Handsome Face:
But what about Panicked Intern?
What about the romance?
Apathetic Nurse: *Looks
nervous* Let me get back to you on that.
