Every Medical Show, Episode Three: How to Save a Life

About Every Medical Show

What if every trope, plotline, and archetype from every medical show on television were gathered into one big, crazy hospital? On Every Medical Show, you’ll meet all the same characters you love, and love to hate; like Dr. Handsome Face, who’s battling a drinking problem but always has time for his patients. Or Nurse Sexy Hair, who does her job but always manages to look picture perfect and is never too tired to bat her eyelashes at anything that moves. And Panicked Intern, who’s always on the edge of a nervous breakdown because he hasn’t slept since he started med school. At Average City Hospital, where all your favorite medical drama tropes live, the staff is always too busy with their relationships to be competent doctors, and if there’s an emergency, you better believe they’ll take a long lunch break before getting down to business. On Every Medical Show, you’ll fall in love with the hospital sad sacks and the sexy heroes, you’ll learn to hate the overachievers and whiny patients. Don’t miss a single riveting episode of….Every Medical Show.

How to Save a Life--In which the interns get introduced to the dark side of being a doctor

Evil British Doctor: Welcome children. Today, I will teach you how to kill a patient. *Smiles gleefully.*

Awkward Dorky Intern: Whaaaaaa? *Takes off his glasses and wipes them frantically.*

Overachiever Intern: Should we take notes? *Pulls a notebook from her scrubs.*

Incompetent Intern: I already did that today.

Evil British Doctor: Would someone please tell me what’s wrong with this patient? I’m too British and cool to pick up his chart, that’s what interns are for.

Overachiever Intern: The patient sustained head trauma and is suffering from intracranial bleeding---

Incompetent Intern: Wait, slow down, I trying to look up the words.

*Incompetent Intern reads from WebMD on his phone.*

Evil British Doctor: *Sighs* That’s quite enough showing off Overachiever Intern, save it for someone who’ll actually give you a gold star. The important thing to get from all that jibber jabber on the chart is the information you could use to destroy the patient.

*All the interns stare at him in horror. Incompetent Intern drops his phone, Overachiever Intern takes more notes.*

Evil British Doctor: Every patient is another opportunity to fulfill your destiny as a vampir---as a doctor. Use your training and intellect to discover the best, the most discreet way to squeeze the life out of the patient. Use every new technology, every experimental procedure---prescribe every risky medication to the bloody rats. Your highest calling is to death itself! Do my bidding interns! Hahaha!!!

*Thunderclap.*

Awkward Dorky Intern: Sooooo, does that mean we should relieve cranial pressure in the patient?

Incompetent Intern: I can’t believe they didn’t tell us this in med school, guess I’m doing better than I thought at this doctor thing. *Trips over his own feet.*

Evil British Doctor: Incompetent Intern is now my favorite intern.

*Overachiever Intern widens her eyes in shock, her hands start twitching.*

Evil British Doctor: Come come interns, *claps his hands.* We must now journey to the morgue to witness the decaying flesh of my previous patients. Take notes Overachiever Intern, you have a long way before you get into my good graces.