In Defense of Zombies, Or, Why The Job Hunt Is Pretty Tough

Sometimes I wish this whole zombie apocalypse thing everyone keeps worrying about would just happen so that I can stop stressing about finding a job. 

A spooky house where zombies lurk! 

I mean, the constant threat of being ripped apart by undead monsters sounds pretty horrible, but then I think, is it really that much worse than writing another cover letter? Cover letters are the worst. How many ways more ways can I say, ‘I’m qualified to to do stuff, please hire me now so I can finally feel like a successful human.’ 

When you put it in perspective, zombies are really not that terrible, sure, they’re a threat to humanity, and civilization as we know it, but on the bright side, think about all the things you wouldn’t need to worry about anymore. No more school. No more work. You don’t have to read your emails. You don’t have to pay taxes. You don’t have to pay bills. You never have to complain about working out again because your whole life will be a workout. 

Those are just a few of the great things we can look forward to when the big zombie outbreak happens. You can stop worrying about computer repairs or whether you’ll get to work on time. And you never have to fill out another long, horrible application form ever again---or any form for that matter. 

It’s a form-free world, enjoy it.